rARsh!

Making plans for the weekend

It’s a pity the weather forecast’s not good for the weekend because I’ve just had a call from those nice people at Daihatsu.

“Hello, Mr d'Lion. This is Rene from Daihatsu. I was wondering whether you’d received the brochure for the Copen.”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Have you had a chance to read it?”

“I’ve had a quick look.”

“Would you be interested in a test drive?”

“Hell yes!”

She’s going to speak to the local dealer to see whether they have a Copen available for idiots to test this weekend.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

In other exciting new, my new pocket camera’s arrived and is charging up as I type. It’s going to be a fun weekend, in between the showers.

Women, eh? Who needs ‘em?

I’ve pulled, Stubby, Dripping and New Arrivals

Before you rush off excitedly to buy wedding presents and the like, take heed of the very important punctuation in that heading.

I’ve pulled a muscle

It was toward the end of last night’s badminton that I pulled. Attempting an impressing (and unstopable) smash, I felt a sudden twang in my right forearm, near the elbow.

I’ve pulled a muscle, I thought to myself and - do you know - it seems I was right. By Jingo it’s been sore today.

New Arrivals

Looking out of the bedroom window this morning to see how Colleen was feeling I was surprised to see that she was sitting a bit higher on the “nest” than usual. In fact, my opening the window startled her somewhat and off she flew (to Angie’s roof), revealing …

Fear not - she’s back tonight, protecting the chicks from the torrential rain.

Stubby

Ah, Stubby. We had lunch together today (a swift drink in the Ribs Of Beef, if you must know). En route she was complaining about the way some things are working for her in the office.

“Yes, I know. I get that all the time.”

“So it’s not just me?”

“Not at all. We’re so similar we should be a couple.” She said nothing. “or maybe just good friends.” She nodded.

Well, I’m glad that’s resolved. No, really, I am. The contradictory “messages” were driving me mad madder.

Dripping

One of the drawbacks of having moved into the lovely air conditioned orifice 20 minutes’ walk from the city centre is that idiots still book you into half hour meetings in Slurry Street mid-afternoon (rather than at the very start or very end of the day when it could be on your way to/from work). There was such a meeting today and off I trooped, taking with me an umbrella in case it came on rain, as was being threatened.

As I approached Slurry Street there were indeed spots of rain, but not enough to justify unwrapping the umbrella. Coming out, half an hour later, was a different story. It was hammering it down and even with an umbrella I was soaked to the skin by the time I got back to the orifice. I splashed my folder onto my desk and announced to Leah “I’m off home to dry off.”

And so I was.

Makes you proud to be British, doesn’t it?

If we’re not protecting our safety in the face of people of a different colour being flagrantly different from us …

“We are in a paranoid time, but vigilance by ordinary people is important”

… we’re protecting our safety by keeping ourselves to ourselves …

It is believed the bodies - of a woman in her 30s and three children aged five to 11 - may have lain in the house in Turves Road for four weeks.

… or not letting little things get in the way of enjoying our holidays …

Officers were called on Monday morning to the Hygiene Waste Company in Park Royal, west London, after an employee found the body of a baby girl in a bin

Makes you proud to be British, doesn’t it?

Basketball?

First badminton (and I’m playing again tomorrow) and now basketball.

In my shape?

I must be mad.

[Later] I came to my senses - my ankle’s still complaining after I went over on it in Llandough Hospital car park yesterday, so I’ve cried off.

Dadicisms

“The next time you’re down, I’d like to go into Torchwood Town …”

“Oh, ok.”

“… to see the city as it was when I was growing up.”

“Ah. That could be a little tricky“.

“So you’ll be going back to …?”

“Aaalburgh.”

“Aaalburgh. Yes. You’re alone there since …. ?”

“Diana died.”

“Diana died. Oh yes. How long ago was that?”

“Two years.”

“Two years. Yes. You’ve not thought of looking for a replacement.”

That’s an interesting turn of phrase.

“Why, do you have anyone in mind?”

“Oh no, it’s got to be your decision.”

“You’ve not been trying to pair me off with one of the nurses then?”

“The nurses? Oh. Someone was saying you were a fine fellow.”

I must have looked sceptical.

“Well, words to that effect.”

“Let me guess - you can’t remember who?”

He just grinned, mischeviously. Knowing my luck it was Siôn.

You know it makes sense. Almost.

In my continuing quest to reduce my bank balance (for reasons I won’t go on about again) and in view of today’s disappointing discovery about the damaged Ixus, I’ve been investigating alternatives to getting the Ixus fixed.

Hmmm. Aha. Interesting.. Ooh.

Well, it’ll cost a lot to fix the Ixus, won’t it? Probably.

Oh dear

It’s not a good sign when I’m looking at http://www.camera-repair.co.uk/, is it?

It’s the Ixus that’s poorly - remember the LCD screen “problem” I had with the iPaq?

Uh-huh.

Dangnabbit.

Meanwhile the P850’s still working (thank goodness).

Dovewatch, 18th

While from today in Porthwuglums Park, Barry:

Ooh, pretty

After the lengthy travel time a fortnight ago, I decided to travel down to South Wales last night and made the journey in under five hours, arriving just before midnight.

As I neared the bridge, I could see ahead of me occasional flashes lighting up the sky - oh good, I do love a good thunderstorm. It seemed, though, that the storm was moving at the same pace as me in the same direction … until I got within 3 miles of my dad’s house when all of a sudden I drove into what seemed like a wall of water. It was bouncing so high off the road I expect the underside of the rARshMobile is now cleaner than it’s been for a good while. On the subject of rARshMobiles, I’ve asked for a test drive. I look forward to Grunt seeing me in a nice new car when I meet him to tell him he’s not due anything and, possibly, make him a derisory offer to get rid of him once and for all.

Earlier, at work, Flash had wandered past Tall Andy and I, sitting at our desks, working furiously (of course).

“Ha. You look like Smith and Jones sitting there.”

“You’d better mean ‘Alias Smith and Jones‘ rather than Mel and Griff.”

He paused. “Nope, Mel and Griff.”

“Sod off, Flash.”

My quest to sample all the eateries near the orifice had led Tall Andy and I to The Woolpack at lunchtime. Shazza had emailled me to see if I was free but as I’d already agreed to go to lunch with T.A., I replied: “Sure, if Tall Andy can come with us.”

“Some other time, then.” came the reply (which was a bit of a surprise to me at the time). I realised later that she’d obviously been planning to seduce me and felt that Tall Andy’s presence would cramp her style - after all, can you think of any other reason why she’d turn down lunch with the two of us? Me neither.

The food wasn’t bad at all (there were even five or six veggie options) but my attempts to try a Blond Witch was unsuccessful. The barmaid was having problems with her pump (fnaar fnaar) and offered to bring me my pint outside where we were enjoying the sunshine and strong wind. After a few minutes she came out to us with a whisky glass of amber liquid.

“You can’t fool me - that’s not a pint.”

“No, no. I just think you should try it first.”

That’s never a good sign, but I did so.

“I’ll take a pint … of Tattoo, please.”

She returned with a pint of foaming brown.

“Now that’s what I call a sample.”

The Woolpack also has a comedy turn on at lunchtimes. I’m not sure that’s his proper job description, but we found the chap who brings out the food to be rather amusing. Unfortunately, as I sit here to write this up I can’t for the life of me remember any specific example to share with you. Sorry.