Not a millionaire, then

No offers have been made on all those domains I listed at sedo.co.uk a couple of months ago.

Boo.

Hiss.

That said, the advertising revenue’s not unwelcome. One .co.uk URL has, for example, paid for its annual renewal fee already and a couple are receiving three figure visits - not bad for sites that don’t actually exist.

So what shall I do with my €13.75 average monthly revenue? I know - why don’t I buy some good URLs … ?

Alternatively I could spend it on doing something to improve the d’Lion mood. It’s been a grim few weeks, if I’m honest, and at this precise moment in time there’s little chance that I’ll be attending Shazza’s birthday party tonight. I did warn Shazza of this when we spoke yesterday.

“Oh, you should come. There’ll be lots of people there …”

“Yes, I know. That’s sort of the whole problem, Shazza.”

I should go, I know. I should get involved with all sorts of things, especially outside work.

Maybe when my mood improves.

I certainly shouldn’t be sitting indoors on a glorious day like this - I should be “out there”, snapping away (responsibly).

Maybe tomorrow.

It’s always “maybe tomorrow” at the moment.

Forward planning

I’ve not mentioned my forthcoming holiday for a while.

You know the one - the fabulous Toronto - East Broad Top - Portland, ME - Toronto roadtrip with CC in August/September.

Well, I’ve started planning.

First stop was Google Maps and I notice a caveat on their use for route planning:

These directions are for planning purposes only. You may find that construction projects, traffic, or other events may cause road conditions to differ from the map results.

I can see why they need a caveat and to illustrate my point, I offer you an excerpt from its route plan for my initial journey from bootiful Norfolk to Ontario:

There’s something there which strikes me as a little odd. Oh, yes. Step 25.

I’m not convinced that you can actually drive from the Eastern Service Road in Dover to either Boulogne or Boulougne. Then again, why would Google lie to me?

We continue across northern France as far as Le Havre.

hmmmm

I’m going to have to get back into - and extend - my morning pool regime.

Swim across the Atlantic Ocean 3,462 mi

Words of wisdom from the frozen north

‘im oop naeth sent me these pearls of wisdom with the message “Thought you might appreciate these”.

I think you might appreciate them too (although I disassociate myself completely from one or two^* of them).

• Tesco’s Employee of the Month is the prime example of being both a winner and a loser at the same time.
  Frosties are Corn Flakes for the working classes.
• A newspaper’s use of the word “controversial” increases exponentially with their desperation for something interesting to print.
• It is impossible to run over a pigeon. No matter how much you accelerate.
• Gay Men looking for sex? Reduce the likelihood of wasting your time chatting up straight men by just chatting up guys who have blue fairy lights on the winshield wipers of their cars or trucks.
• Note for chavs: Painting the rear brake drums of your Kevmobile bright red or yellow does not make your car look impressive and sporty. It merely highlights the fact that it is neither expensive nor powerful enough to justify rear disc brakes and thus makes the outsized spoiler and racing stripes even more redundant. Now get off back to Aldi - the shelves are looking bare.
• If you are male, 30+, and still live with your parents, there is a good probability that you are gay and work in a call centre.
• Ladies, when a man tell you you’re fat he means it.
• The little things in life should count. Teaching a midget maths, for example.
• You are never as funny as you think people think you are.
• If a man opens a car door for a woman either the car or the woman is new.
• Stories of impending snowfall are always accompanied by pictures of Highland cattle in a frosty field.
• Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
• There is only ever one monopoly commission.
• Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.
• There’’s a certain irony to the word ”Lisp”.
• ‘Nonsense’ is a posh word for ‘bollocks’.
• Ryanair: The ITV2 of aviation.
• Theres no place like home. (unless you live in a modern apartment/estate in which case next door is pretty similar).
• When you see the word ‘unlimited’ in an advert it will always have an asterisk next to it. Rather than waste time searching for the microscopic text that this is directing you to, simply assume that this means ‘not really’.
• Daytime TV is God’’s punishment for throwing a sickie.
• It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.

^* i.e. whichever ones offend you - and there’s bound to be one.

Don’t worry, everybody. We’re all safe.

We’re in safe hands, thanks to our lovely, friendly government.

Thank you for signing the petition on the Downing Street website calling for the Prime Minister to stop proposed restrictions on photography in public places.

This petition has already attracted over 60,000 signatures from people who obviously share your concern. Not surprisingly, the idea that the Government might be poised to restrict your ability to take photos has caused some puzzlement and even alarm.

We have therefore decided to respond to this petition before its closing date of August, in order to reassure people.

The Government appreciates that millions of people in this country enjoy photography. So we have checked carefully to see if any Government department was considering any proposal that might possibly lead to the sort of restrictions suggested by this petition. We have been assured this is not the case.

There may be cases where individual schools or other bodies believe it is necessary to have some restrictions on photography, for instance to protect children, but that would be a matter for local decisions.

In fact, Simon Taylor, who started the petition, has since made clear that he was not really referring to Government action or legislation. His main concern appears to be that photographic societies and other organisations may introduce voluntary ID cards for members to help them explain why they are taking photographs. Again, any such scheme would not involve the Government.

We hope this re-assures you and clears up the confusion.

These e-petitions are fun, aren’t they?

Alright, so it seems it was all a hoo-hah over nothing (<twitch>or so they claim</twitch>) but unlike others, I think that the 60,000 signatories have made a valid point. Our beloved and democratically elected representatives seem very keen to preserve our freedom by restricting our freedoms and I don’t think it’s too much of a leap of logic to foresee a time when people taking photographs in public are at least challenged about their cameras.

Listen to this - now!

It’s not often that a radio programme endangers road users.

Ok, so I have to avoid phone-in shows because I end up screaming at the idiots that phone in but - because I avoid them - these shows do not cause a danger to road users.

I’d like to apologise to drivers on the A45 and A14 on my trip back from Oxfordshire this evening, though. Sorry, everybody, but the programme I was listening to was just too amusing for me to give the road the attention it deserved.

Don’t believe me? Find out for yourself by listening to Mark Thomas: My Life in Serious Organised Crime. Just don’t listen when you’re driving, operating heavy machinery or anything where being distracted would put innocent members of the public at risk.

You can’t blame the spellchecker

I received an unusual email at work. The content was normal enough (drivel, but par for the course) but it closed with “Sorry for any incontinence this may cause.”

Incontinence? I had to comment on this when I replied and the author was soon on the phone to apologise and try to blame Lotus Notes’s spelling checker.

Nice try, but let’s face it - you’d failed to spell “inconvenience” and, worse still, when offered a choice of real words you chose “incontinence” as the correct one for the context.

Hehehe.

You see my dilemma, I hope

Picture the scene (you don’t need imagination - just look at the photo).

Argh!

The notice is inside the building, and I’m fairly sure they’d consider taking down the sign, correcting the spelling and replacing it as vandelisum (sic). Argh! I actually avoid the shortcut where this sign appears just so it doesn’t irritate me as much.

After work, though, I dropped Tall Andy off at Har-di-har-har Road and found a young Jack with his eyes more open than I’ve ever seen before. It must be said that the boys are both hardly camera shy (unlike their mother).

Sweet, isn’t he?

Mmmmm … manic

Know what I enjoy most about depression?

I think it’s the insomnia.

03:11 is such an exciting time, don’t you agree?