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Not going well

March 17th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Mystery Photos

Mystery Photo 1 (of 3000 or so)
Ok. It’s the Schönbrunn
palace
in Vienna
The photo identification session’s not going well.

Any idea where that is?

“No.”

Munich? Berlin? Is is Berlin?

“Could be, yes.”

Have you been to Berlin, then?

“No.”

So the photo’s unlikely to be of Berlin.

“Yes, very unlikely.”

Aargh!

Does anyone recognise the location?

My back? Well, it was fine until Dad decided to fall over. I leapt into action and did cushion his fall, but fuckdamnbuggerbollocksshite my back now smarts somewhat. Pass the ice pack …

[update] LSLP’s rung to say the photo’s of the Schönbrunn palace in Vienna (and thought we’d established that last night - I can’t have been paying attention).

On second thoughts

March 17th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Mundane musings

The more I think about yesterday’s story about the clothes-swapping escape in Iraq, the more uneasy I feel about it. Is it me, or does this carry the distasteful suggestion of Britain’s (in)famous all-foreigners-look-alike attitude?

My back? Thanks for asking. It feels much better today, thanks. Not right (not by a long way), but I’m 78.3% more mobile today.

Red Noses all round

March 17th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Mundane musings

Wasn’t it good of the world to join in Red Nose Day with such vigour?

We had comedy captivity courtesy of the army with their adaptation of Toad escaping from prison, brought up to date in much the same way as I tried with the Grand Master of Sarcasm and Wit joke.

We had comedy counsel in the High Court. He made the device but it was never meant to explode and was being carried as a protest? I’ve heard of some strange defences in my time, but this stakes a compelling claim to at least one biscuit.

Even the England team in the World Cup joined in with a display of comedy cricket that made the opposition happy, at least.

It was a little less manic at work. When I left, shortly before five, I was winning two auction items and the amount we’d raised was over £600. I think we can be reasonably satisfied with that. I’ll certainly be happy - if I was, indeed, eventually successful - with my week’s worth of packed lunches (courtesy of Sticky) and cheese scones for my team - i.e. Tall Andy’s Krew (courtesy of Shazza). Meanwhile half a dozen of my prints had raised £23 for the cause (although I’m hoping that this rose sharply in the final hour as some of them were - in my opinion at least - worth significantly more than the highest bids in the 4pm update).

I provided a few laughs myself thanks to my having injured my back again and my waddling up and down the office to loosen up after I’d spent too long sitting. I’d rung the chiropractors first thing and had brought my lunchtime appointment forwards to 10:30. Dr K____i did her stuff and I did feel much better afterwards, the only problem being my seizing up again after sitting at my desk for any length of time exceeding 10 minutes, even with liberal use of cold packs.

I was not, therefore, particularly looking forwards to the drive to Torchwood Town tonight - perhaps I had subconsciously foreseen the traffic volumes that would lead to my taking over three hours to reach Wuglums Manor, just half way to Torchwood Town. Fortunately traffic had eased by the time I left, so I got here from W.M. in just over two hours - much better.

The Daihatsu Sirion does, however, have a curious and most welcome property not alluded to in its marketing brochure - I’m becoming convinced that the driver’s seat is, in fact, an orthopaedic device as my back definitely seems to improve after sitting in it for an hour or more. Compared to earlier in the day, at least, I was hardly waddling at all when I delivered the photo CD to Wuglums and LSLP or again when I arrived at Chateau Pops just before 1am.

Wuglums and LSLP were as impressed as I with the quality of the scanned slides and prints and - with my having collected 3061 images in all - there’s enough material there for umpteen blog posts. Watching some of the images on a slideshow at Wuglums Manor LSLP commented on how many of the photographs were almost Lionelesque in their composition and subject matter. I do seem to have inherited some sort of photographic ability in my DNA although we’ve yet to establish from whom. Perhaps Dad will be able to furnish some clues this weekend if he’s clear headed. I won’t be holding my breath, though.

Anyway it’s very late. Let’s see how the old back is in the morning, eh?

Nighty night.

Wasn’t I lovely?

March 15th, 2007 | 2 Comments | Posted in Mundane musings
[Click to enlarge] [Click to enlarge] [Click to enlarge]

I collected the slides and prints I’d left in the capable hands of West Wending Digital on my way home from work, together with ten DVDs of TIFF files and a further DVD with all the scans in JPEG format (further reduced for publishing here, you’ll be pleased to hear).

My feeling of smugness at having remembered to dig out and take a chequebook to work was somewhat mitigated by the realisation that I’d gone to work in the WTB. I could remember delivering the slides and snaps in the rARshmobile but to the number and size of boxes.

Oh dear.

Fortunately all the originals did fit into the tiny car, even though they did fill the passenger footwell and the passenger seat, in fact.

I must say I’m fairly impressed, especially considering that some of the slides pre-date even me.

Students of the rise of evil in today’s society, meanwhile, will be interested in the first documented appearance of the evil Panda in the third photo above (from December 1963).

Words of wisdom

March 14th, 2007 | 1 Comment | Posted in Mundane musings

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you’re a great guy, but I don’t like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

- Bash quote 414593

I went to lunch with Shazza today.

And the horse you rode in on

March 13th, 2007 | 1 Comment | Posted in Mundane musings

Well, not you, gentle reader.

Everyone else.

Had a bit of an anti-Midas day today where everything I tried to do turned to crap. It’s on days like this that I long for the next round of redundancies and generally exude a bad attitude.

That’s not very professional, I know.

“Is there anyone in this department you don’t think of as an idiot?” Ferny the Goth asked me at one point.

This made me think but I was quick to reassure her as I pondered on the underlying valid questioning of my temperament. “Of course there is,” I said.

I mulled things over, taking into account my bad behaviour and my sixty or so beloved colleagues. A few minutes later I added.

I can think of six, so far.

With hindsight that wasn’t a good answer. I should have mulled for longer.

P.S. I apologise to any equine readers for any unintentional offence caused by the title.

If it’s good enough for Tiger …

March 11th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Mundane musings

… then it’s good enough for a Lion too.

Today’s sermon: Nutrition

March 11th, 2007 | 1 Comment | Posted in Mundane musings

1In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

2Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. 3And Satan said “You want hot fudge with that? 4And Man said “Yes!” 5And Woman said “I’ll have one too with chocolate chips”. 6And lo, they gained 10 pounds.

7And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair. 8And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. 9And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

10So God said “Try my fresh green salad”. 11And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. 12And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

13God then said “I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them”. 14And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.

15Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

16Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. 17And Man put on more pounds.

17God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. 18And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. 19And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

20Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

21And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. 22Then Satan said “You want fries with that?” and Man replied “Yes, And super size ‘em”. 23And Satan said “It is good.” 24And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

25God sighed and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

26And then Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

The final word on nutrition

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word on nutrition and health:

  1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[via 'im oop nawth]