rARsh!

National Wrong Number Day

My phone rang this morning. I glanced at the caller ID before answering and saw that it was a local number. I wondered whether my cheque to Bayleaf had bounced:

“Is Binksy there?”

“What? Who?”

“Binksy. Is Binksy there?”

“Sorry. You’ve got the wrong number.“

“Binksy”? What sort of name’s that?

Call number 2 arrived just after lunch. This time it was a Manchester number. I was intrigued enough to answer:

“Hello, is that Mr Venables?”

“No, you’ve got the wrong number.”

“Oh, ok. Sorry.”

A third call arrived, mid-afternoon. How’s a poorly chap expected to get any bloody rest? Hang on - I recognised Stalag Pentwyn’s number. It seems Dad’s taken a tumble. He’s perfectly well but their procedures require the staff to ring up and worry the family, even if all is definitely well. Isn’t that nice of them?

At least this call was for me.

Now it’s later - seven thirty five if you must know - and the phone’s ringing again. Four calls in one day? This is unheard of - like the rain over the weekend, that’s a month’s worth in twelve hours.

A look at the caller ID screen showed me a familiar set of digits. From Manchester.

“Hello, can I speak to the homeowner?”

“That depends. What’s his or her name?”

“We don’t know. I’m calling from the Mumbled Financial company. You’re probably aware of our adverts? Where we offer to solve any debt problems?”

“Hmm. So you’re cold calling? You’re probably aware of the service where people can opt out of these calls?”

“The Telephone Preference Service?”

“That’s the one.”

“I’m very sorry about that. We must have had this number down under a different name.”

“But you’ve just said you don’t know the name.”

“Ah. … Sorry. I’ll make sure your number is deleted from our records.”

“But you don’t have records. Not accurate ones, at least.”

“Are you interested in our services, then?”

“No. Fuck off.“

You’ve got to admire her balls for that last question, though. Unfortunately the caller ID number isn’t on t’internet (as far as I can tell from Google. If you get a call from 0161 233 3010*, I’d suggest you don’t answer it.

* I know I could ring them to see who they are, but I can’t be bothered.