rARsh!

Did I go swimming?

No, I did not. Another “Please go away, nasty alarm clocks” morning, in fact.

Tomorrow.

I’ll go tomorrow.

Probably.

Diet Tips from the BBC

Last night’s edition of “The Truth About Food” was all about dieting. They covered the science behind foods and proposed some interesting facts (having done the studies to back up their statements too).

If you missed the programme, I can summarise the findings and recommendations:

“It’s not my fault, it’s my metabolism”.

Bollocks. Metabolism’s got nothing to do with it. If anything, cuddlier folk tend to have a higher metabolism because it takes the body more effort to pump blood around the body. The only reason anyone’s overweight is that they’re taking in more energy than they can dispose of. Nothing surprising there.

Recommendation 1: Drop the high-calorie, high fat comfort snacks for three square meals.

Not a surprise.

Bad foods: High calories, high-fat treats. Eat regular meals instead.

I’m dreadful at not keeping to proper mealtimes and it’s such an easy thing to do, isn’t it? I’ll try my best.

Recommendation 2: Find the best foods to fill you up for longer

Which do you reckon’s the most filling? A meal high in fat, carbohydrate or protein? Surpisingly (to me, at least) the answer is protein. The key is to choose low-fat protein, then.

Good foods: skinless chicken, fish, tofu, beans and cheese.

Tofu? <shudder> Looks like I’ll need to develop some good (low fat) marinades.

Recommendation 3: Dairy foods help you diet!

No, really. It’s true. As long as you go for the low-fat options, dairy foods can actually help a diet thanks to the calcium. Let’s just say that calcium binds to the fat and, rather than get absorbed and add to the waistline, it … umm … passes straight through. Not all of it, of course, but twice as much fat goes straight through if you increase the low fat dairy content in your diet.

Good foods: low fat milk, low fat cheese, low fat yoghurt.

Recommendation 4: Change your crockery

Does “No dessert if you don’t clear your plate, young man/lady” ring any bells? I don’t know about you, but I was raised to clear my plate. This is a bad thing and it’s too easy to make too much food - especially when cooking for one. I must be more aware of my portion sizes.

Good foods: Whatever you’re eating, keep the portion sensible because you won’t stop just because you’re full. Use smaller plates and/or keep a food diary.

Don’t worry. If I start a food diary it won’t be here.

Recommendation 5: Follow Cohen the Barbarian’s example!

Does a glass of water before a meal help curb hunger? Nope. Well, not for long enough to curb your appetite, I’m afraid. That said, water’s the drink of choice if the alternative is high-sugar alcohol.

However, you can keep hunger at bay by changing the way food is served. Liquid meals - i.e. soup - keep you full for longer than the identical amount of “solid” food washed down with a glass of water. Research showed soup meals keep hunger at bay for an hour more than the solid version.

Good food: Soup.

Don’t know who Cohen the Barbarian is? For shame - get out there and read some Pratchett! An elderly warrior he declared his three favourite things in the world to be “Hot shoup, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper.”

Following these tips, the show’s guinea pig (DJ Andrea Oliver) dropped from a size 22 to a size 16. Now, as a male, I have no idea what that means in real terms but I’ve been assured that’s impressive. Well, if it’s good enough for a “celebrity” I’ve never heard of …

Bushed, Carp and Quandries

For some reason I was very down today (it’s a mystery why, isn’t it?) but was heartened by the offers of sympathetic ears (Ferny the Goth and Nice Married Lady).

NML, in fact, was keen for us to go out for a coffee “or something” when she’s next down at my orifice (in the middle of February). That’s something to look forwards to, then.

I hatched a cunning plan. I’d go home, give Darling Stepson a call to say I’d received his message but was just rushing out, so could I get back to him later in the week.

It worked, disarming him rather. Seems he’s viewing a house on Thursday evening, hence the renewed interest in his inheritance (sic). I have 48 hours to plan the next stage then. I wonder how he’ll take the news that I’ve blown his inheritance (sic) on the WTB?

Having calmed down the little shit I decided that I really was rushing out. I grabbed the sports bag and set off for the gym. My word, that was hard work. I did about a quarter of the recommended workout (I’ll build up to it over time) and then hit the pool for a few lengths just to unwind.

---

Thanks for the comments and advice about MG3. The issue, however, is that I didn’t get any beachboyesque good vibrations from our shopping trip cum first date. She’s a nice enough lady (albeit mad), but there just wasn’t the frisson of whatever. As I see things it’s a matter of balance. I’m balancing the wish not to raise MG3’s hopes unfairly against the possibility that said frisson is merely delayed and may appear on a non-shopping rendezvous.

Is it me or is this getting bloody complicated?

Induced

I have been induction at the riverside gymnasium.

Fifty minutes of being forced onto shown how to use the various torture devices (all except the rowing machine, from which I’m excused on Dr K____i’s strict instruction), partly so that we (there were three inductees at lunchtime today) know how to use the machines alone but also so that Chris The Sadist can draw up individual training plans for us, using appropriate weights to be lifted and speeds to be achieved.

I’ll probably go for my first session after work tomorrow.

---

Earlier in the day I was cross-examined by Stubby on my weekend,

“How was MG2?”

“Ah, no. I met MG3 this weekend.”

“You tart!”

This, I felt, was a little harsh. We chatted briefly about the shopping trip date and the tales from MG3’s Old Country. This was a mistake on my part - for reasons which will become clear.

“So, will you see her again?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Why not? She sounds nice?”

“Oh, she is. Mad, but nice. The trouble, you see, is that I have an unrealistic yardstick against which I am measuring,”

“Really?” She seemed a little confused, so I explained.

“Yes, I’m measuring them all against you.”

“Oh.” She had the decency to blush.

---

“The compound row machine is not my friend.“, I IM’d Stubby after returning from the gym

“Eh?”

“I’ve been to the gym for my induction.”

“Oh yes. In my country we do not have such devices.”

“I suppose you think that’s funny?”

“In my country it is considered so, yes.”

“Do you want a visit from Mr Slap?”

“In my country that’s considered abuse.”

I dropped the subject.

---

Shazza invited me to attend one of the classes at the gym tonight but having swum first thing and worked fairly hard at lunchtime, I’m in the mood to chill this evening.

What her text actually said was:

Dya wana do body pump wiv me at 8.15?

or, for those hard of txting,

Do you want to attend the Body Pump class with me at 8.15?

Now that I look at this again I think this is what she was proposing. If not, I may have missed a rather significant upturn in my fortunes.

Yes, I’m sure I read it correctly. Shazza’s just not that forward for there to be any other interpretation.

Whoops

Scene: Riverside Swimming Baths, in the unisex Changing Village (sic). At one end of a row is a rotund Welsh-looking chap, dripping and wrapped in a nice, white towel. He’s standing in front of a locker, fiddling with a key. At the other end of the row is Bikini Girl, wrapped in a blue towel, also fresh from her post-swim shower.

As they swimmers fiddle with their keys, then reach into the lockers to retrieve their clothing, one of their towels slips …

Whoops.

More »

I Have A Wiinjury

To make up for not going swimming yesterday (yes, yes, I know - shocking, isn’t it?), I was a little too enthusiastic with my daily Wii Sports regime.

I think it was during my last tennis match that my right leg went SPOINGK!

Ooh, it smarts.

WII Fitness Age dropped to 38, too. Oh dear. Not good.

On the plus side, one week in I’m 8 pounds lighter and have moved up one notch on my belt.

Argh! Kids!

Let’s just say that a swim at 7pm with a pool full of shrieking brats (including a girl who “accidentally” hit me on the head with her bloody inflatable ball on at least four occasions) bears no similarity to a swim a 7am. Other than the water, of course, and the presence of lifeguards.

But I’ve skipped an exciting day at work and I’m not only referring to more mildy flirty IM conversations with Ferny The Goth. She did warn us on her first day that she considers herself to be the Queen of Innuendo. Today’s chat ended with the exchange:

L: Ah, if only we didn’t work together
FTG: Yes, it’s a shame
L: I may quote you on that if I leave the team
FTG:

Little does she know that we may not be working together for that much longer. With Tall Andy’s approval (well, he didn’t object), I’ve been talking to one of the other managers about a transfer to the Geek Squad. This should work well for Tall Andy too, of course, as having an “insider” in the Geek Squad should help with the delivery of some techy goodness relevant to Tall Andy’s motley crew. It’ll be weeks (months, possibly before any change and that’s if Tall Andy agrees to get rid of me as quickly as possible let me go, reluctantly). I think Ferny may get a little worried if and when the news is announced.

WARNING! Boring car drivel follows the » - skip if not extremely interested in boring vehicles. More »

Deh Two. Seven oh five eh em. Lionel is in the pool.

That’s a dreadful Geordie accent, I know, and my overseas visitors will be blissfully unaware that the narrator for the “highlights” of Big Brother has a strong Geordie accent. Well, I assume it’s still the same chap. It’s a long time since I accidentally watched any of that drivel.

Anyway, I have “news” updates to share with you.

The meet market continues to show promise and last night I spoke to Match Girl II on the telephone. She sounded nice and I think I made a favourable impression so the possibility of a RL meeting remains, um, possible. We’ll see.

My fitness regime continues apace. Two whole days - a new record for me. Talking of records, I broke the almost mythical 1 mile per hour barrier (1.03mph, at 10 lengths in 18 minutes) It’s been fortunate, in fact, as I’ve not been sleeping well this week. Given that I’ve been waking at four each day, being in Norwhag for seven is a piece of cake¹.

This has meant that I’ve been absolutely bushed come 3:30pm.

Wiimote^TM batteries don’t last long, Thankfully I’ve plenty of rechargeables and am cooking up a batch so that I can have my half hour (or more) workout this evening.

There was a dusting of snow this morning in Aaalburgh so I expected chaos in the city. To be fair, there were almost two whole centimetres of snow on the north side of the A47 but still not a volume that would even raise a comment in Scotland. When I left the pool it was snowing fairly hard (for Norfolk, at least), so I was stuck behind idiots crawling through town at 15mph. Bah. Needless to say, driving conditions were perfectly fine and the snow didn’t linger (not on tarmac, at least).

I had a slightly odd IM conversation with Stubby. Nothing strange in that, of course.

“So, did you go swimming again?”

“Of course.”

“Will you be buying new clothes then?”

“Once I lose some weight, quite possibly. On the other hand, it’ll probably just mean that the clothes I’ve got will fit me better.”

“Great.”

Do you think she is trying to tell me some about my dress sense?

¹ Mmmmm … cake.