rARsh!

Slightly misleading

“Ah, hello. I placed an order with you last week and had an email to say it had been sent on Tuesday but there’s been no sign of it.”

“What’s your order number?”

“66666”

“Ah, yes. We were out of stock of the BST-39 but they’ve come in now and all the orders are in the post today.”

“So when the website and email said it had been despatched on the 15th … ?”

“Yes, it had been sent for despatch, but we didn’t send it because we didn’t have all the things you ordered.”

“I see. Do you feel that the email and message on the website might be just a little misleading.”

“No. How?”

“Well, it’s … oh, never mind.”

Will my order arrive tomorrow? It had bloody better do. Harrumph.

Another one bites the dust

Santander agrees £1.2bn A&L deal
-BBC News

Oh well. Based on the fuckwittery now prevalent within Abbey I guess that’s another financial institution to avoid like the plague then.

If you’ve got any ties with A&L I can only strongly recommend you get your money out now, while you still can. Fuck knows it’s been a nightmare dealing with Abbey in the past eighteen months and the staff (being loyal company types) blamed Santander for having messed up their systems since the takeover.

You seem to have gained 7 pounds since your last body test. Do you know why?

I looked at the options I was being offered.

Ate too much?

No.

Drank too much?

No.

Not enough exercise?

Possibly.

The problem I had was that nowhere was there a button which said

My cat climbed onto the balance board while I was being weighed

A less than balanced approach

So, then. After last week’s clearing blitzlet (still lots left to do) there was enough space to finally set up the Wii Fit and have a go. Of course I prevaricated about this and didn’t actually get around to doing so until yesterday.

First impressions are favourable. Had a great time with the slalom skiing and especially the ski jumping but my first attempts at the tightrope walking we less than successful.

I also tried out a couple of yoga positions, the hula-hoops game and the step basic aerobics. Hell, I even went for a little “jog”. A very little job, but still.

Before I got started it did the necessary evil of the weigh-in and then, once it had depressed me, put me through a basic balance test.

The basic balance test isn’t your thing, is it? Do you often trip over while walking?

Cheeky bloody thing.

It did, at least, inspire me to have a healthy theme to my Big Shop today and I avoid all those lovely, fattening chocolately or fatty treats, replacing them with fruit and yoghurt. Mmmmm. Lovely. And that was before the program told me I’d lost a doubtful 4lbs between yesterday and today.

Let’s see how long this lasts, shall we?

Lifestyle choices - assistance required

As part of the long-overdue Great Tidy I found myself, earlier today, looking at a cupboard which contains (most of) three sets of crockery.

It occurred to me that this may well be slightly more crockery than I need.

Question 1: Do I dispose (sensibly) of two of the sets?

Question 1(a): Which one do I keep? The options are: the bright, cheerful, yellow/red set; the white with blue pattern set; the all-white but with raised fancy bits (the “for best” set).

Question 2: How many mugs do you have in your house? It would appear that I have 15,000 (or thereabouts). Is this too many?

Question 3: Does anyone (under the age of 70) use coffee cups any more?

Thank you.

Best. Headline. Ever.

Police suspect giraffe in circus breakout

I must say that circuses have certainly changed since my childhood (unless I’ve forgotten the pot-bellied pig acts … and the giraffes and llamas, now that I think about it).

Licenced to what?

This popped up in the RSS feed from Reuters:

“Brothel bus” makes last stop in Miami Beach

MIAMI (Reuters) - A “brothel bus” that detectives said cruised Miami Beach offering lap dances and drinks has taken its last ride, police said on Wednesday. (more)

The bit that amused me, though, was one of the charges:

Suspected operator Christine Morteh, 29, was arrested on charges of offering to commit prostitution, transportation for the purpose of prostitution and operating a business without a license.

I’m just wondering about the licence application process.

A new game

Kirsti has a new game.

She’s learned that she can get out of the house - although not back in - by jumping from the back bedroom’s window down onto the sitooterie’s roof (small thud) and, from there, down onto one of the bins (large thud).

I’m sure you can see where this is going.

There I was, dumping the latest load from yesterday’s Big Tidy when I heard a miaow. I looked around but didn’t see her, so turned back to emptying the load when BANG! As if by magic there was now a cat standing 6 inches from me. Jump? I nearly soiled myself.

M from next door witnessed this and didn’t stop laughing for 10 minutes.

Moral: If at first you don’t see a cat, look up.